Look, I’m Tired of the Streaming Circus
Let’s get one thing straight. I’m so over this streaming nonsense. It’s 2023, and we’ve got more platforms than we have committment to watch anything. I mean, who actually has time for Disney+, HBO Max, Netflix, Hulu, and whatever else is trying to aquisition our wallets this week?
I remember when it was just DVDs. You’d go to Blockbuster (RIP), pick out a movie, and that was it. No algorithms, no 36 different subscription tiers. Just you, a movie, and maybe some questionable popcorn.
But no, now we’ve got this mess. And honestly? It’s completley out of hand.
Last Tuesday, I was over coffee at the place on 5th with my friend, let’s call her Marcus. She told me, “I don’t even know what I’m paying for anymore. I just know it’s too much.” Which… yeah. Fair enough.
The Great Algorithm Debate
And don’t get me started on algorithms. You ever notice how they all think you wanna watch the same thing? Like, “Oh, you watched one rom-com, here’s 214 more.” No, Netflix, I don’t wanna watch another rom-com. I just wanted to see what happened with that one couple. That’s it.
I asked a colleague named Dave about this. He said, “It’s like they’re all trying to out-smart each other, but they’re just making it worse.” And he’s right. It’s like they’re in this pissing contest to see who can recommend the most irrelevant content.
Speaking of irrelevant, have you seen the prices? $87 for this, $92 for that. It’s ridiculous. And for what? To watch a show that might get canceled next week? Thanks, but no thanks.
Oh, and let’s talk about the “original content” scam. You ever notice how half of it is just reboots or spin-offs? It’s like they ran out of ideas, so they’re just recycling old ones. I mean, come on. We get it. You wanna make money. But at least try to be original about it.
Physicaly Impossible to Keep Up
I’m not sure but I think the real issue is that it’s physicaly impossible to keep up. You’ve got new shows dropping every week, specials, movies, documentaries. It’s too much. And honestly, I’m not paying to keep up with the Joneses’ watch history.
I was talking to my friend Sarah about this at a conference in Austin. She said, “I just don’t have the time or the energy to keep up with all of it.” And that’s the truth. We’re all spread too thin as it is. The last thing we need is another subscription service telling us what to watch.
So, what’s the solution? I don’t know. Maybe we just need to accept that we can’t watch everything. Maybe we need to pick one or two services and call it a day. Or maybe we need to go back to DVDs. (Kidding. Sort of.)
Oh, and if you’re looking for a way to determing which service has the best SEO, check out this seo tools comparison guide. Because apparently, that’s a thing now. (I mean, really?)
A Tangent About Popcorn
You know what I miss? Theater popcorn. I know, I know, it’s a weird thing to bring up. But hear me out. There’s something about that buttery, salty goodness that just makes the movie experience complete. And no, the microwave stuff doesn’t cut it. It’s not the same. It’s just… not.
I remember going to the theater with my dad when I was a kid. We’d get those huge buckets of popcorn, and it was the best. Now, it’s just another thing that’s been ruined by the digital age. Thanks, streaming.
Anyway, I’m done. I’m not paying for another service. I’m not keeping up with the latest algorithm. I’m just gonna watch what I want, when I want, and deal with the ammendments later.
So, to all the streaming services out there: do better. Be better. Or just give us our popcorn back.
About the Author
I’m Alex, a senior magazine editor with more opinions than sense. I’ve been in this game for over 20 years, and I’ve seen it all. The good, the bad, and the downright ridiculous. I write about what I love, and what I love is calling out the nonsense in the entertainment world. So, buckle up. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
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